review of "Avatar" by James Cameron

set to the tune of the old French melody "Frere Jacques"

I am magic,
Magic Whitey
Here I Come
Here I Come
I will learn your ways
then will surely save you
since I'm great
White folks rule

Noble Savage
Noble Savage
much to learn
much to learn
can I from your ways
even though I'll save you
from your foes
from your foes

Native princess
Native princess
feisty and bold
strong of heart
just like all the others
you are nothing special
against my
manly charms

Evil Empire
Business Venture
lust for power
you worship cash
cardboard characters
with no depth
lazy writing
lazy writing

hateful soldier
evil soldier
workin for the Man
workin for the Man
chew up all that scenery
keep chewing that scenery
till you die
till you die

Native people
Native people
don't want guns
don't need guns
even though they're handy
even though they're handy
for hunting, killing enemies, protecting yourself against wild beasts that are friggin everywhere
you apparently' don't want guns because that would intefere with the directors vision of portraying you as noble savages.

I was planning on having the whole review set as a round on the tune of "Frere Jacques" but, y'know, I just had to break the flow of the music with that last verse. it made no sense at all! the Na'vi are just another boring caricature of idealized "natives", the "noble savage".

the movie spends all of 30 seconds with a video-clip where the main character explains that "we don't have anything that they want"

because James Cameron is a lazy writer who can't imagine how a bunch of tree-hugging Hippie natives wouldn't want modern technology that would include things like gun, motorized vehicles, power tools, and a host of other things that could make their lives so, so much easier. go read some history, Cameron, because the REAL natives from just about every country that has EVER encountered a modern colonial power (much like the evil 'Company') has ALWAYS wanted some modern technology. another thing, couldn't he have called it something besides 'the Company'?!?!? hell, he used the same name in "Aliens"... at least come up with something more descriptive and original than that!

seriously-- if the evil Company had bothered to offer the natives crappy guns it would have seemed like a good deal. they wouldn't even have to be as good as the guns they're using. but apparently Cameron is too lazy to think of things like "hey, let's trade with the Natives". is it too much to ask to offer the Na'vi SOMETHING in exchange for asking them to move? the Company isn't very clever hear-- and they don't practice a good business model. in fact, they don't ACT like a company with a business model-- no, they act more like a hyper-militaristic military state with colonial aspirations. thing is, the Na'vi allowed them to create a MASSIVE base of operations on that planet with apparently only a hodge-podge of resistance.

I'm not a big fan of "Magic Whitey" films-- which this film happily falls into the center of that tradition. it's basically a little bit of "Braveheart" and "Dances with Wolves" in space with just enough sci-fi trappings to keep it entertaining. although not as implicitly racist as "Dances with Wolves" (where the white guy learns the ways of the noble Indians and helps save them from the evil encroachments of white people) it still implies that a white man is the only thing that can stop other white men. at LEAST in "Avatar" we don't need to magically produce another equally magical and anachronistic white character to be his love-interest.

the Colonel is such a scenery-chewing parody it's kinda funny. and yet, ironically, he's one of the most likeable characters in the movie for me. he knows that his job is evil-- but he wants to get it done since he doesn't make empty promises (like a certain main character) or pretend to be something that he's not (like a certain scientist played by Sigourney Weaver). sure, he's NOT supposed to be likeable... but he goes out of his way to request that the main character gets his legs back. in fact, if the main character had, in fact, taken up the offer and gone back home when he was more or less ordered to-- the Colonel wouldn't have been that especially evil.

he, the Colonel, has been conditioned to treat the Na'vi as his mortal enemies-- he's not a good man, but conversely, I couldn't really hate him either. I'm clearly supposed to-- but I didn't really like ANY of the character in this movie all that much. they're all so 'by the numbers' and predictable that it was hard for me to emotionally invest in them.

it's not a bad film, not by any stretch of the imagination... I just don't think it's nearly as good as my co-workers and friends had led me to believe.

it LOOKS very good-- but after awhile it just sort numbs the senses. the 3D didn't make it any more amazing for me. I was told "you HAVE to see it in 3d" so I did. but, honestly, I found the 3d in "Coraline" to be more effective. it was used in short bursts here and there for dramatic effect.

I'll give it 6/10 because aside from the racist nature of the story itself along with the lazy, by-the-numbers script, I honestly didn't have any major complaints. directing, acting, pacing, special effects, all that stuff was pretty good.